saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
