The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
