He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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