Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
