Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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