I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
