So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
