I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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