I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You need a sexual gate keeper
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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