I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
