Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
