You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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