so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All the doctor said was why
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
