I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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