yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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