I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
