You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
