I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
