Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She made me pour olive oil on her.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
