So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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