tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
