I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she smelled like a LAN party
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Alive.
So much puke
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
