The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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