Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
