We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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