hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
