Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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