Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
