I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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