im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
