I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
