i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
