he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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