Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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