Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
