i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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