this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
