Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
