My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
