So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
