A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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