I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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