got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
