The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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