I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize