at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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