Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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