i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
