What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
