Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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