She said her name was "party"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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