this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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