i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize