Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
