I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
