John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
