I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
