Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
