Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
