yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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