Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Too much gin, very little bucket
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
