I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
