I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
