i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.