you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
