oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I lost the right to judge tonight