Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
cat food counts as protein by the way
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
