He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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