Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Found your dick twin last night
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I see more hoeing in ur future
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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