Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
