I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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