Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
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Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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