The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
