I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
