You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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