I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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