I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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