I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
