All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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