i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
